Couldn't sleep the other night, so I was tinkering with blog ideas while I was lying there in bed.
I started thinking of some of my favorite stories from fast food restaurants.
Maybe it's because you just run into a different flock of people at a fast food place. Maybe it's because nobody really wants to be in there; more than that nobody wants to be seen in there. Maybe it's because there's no pride in the place so everyone treats it like a dump. For whatever reasons, some really funny stuff happens at fast food joints.
So the other day, when I couldn't sleep, I started jotting down some of my favorite fast food memories. A lot of it is just me and my friends being stupid; it doesn't really have anything to do with the establishments. Anyway, here they are.
Subway: I went to a Subway a few months ago wearing a humorous T-shirt. I was the only one in the store, and I walked right to the counter and started looking over the menu to see what I wanted. The lady behind the counter was probably a couple of years younger than I was. She said, "Your shirt is funny. Are you married?"
You can't even wait to find out if I want white, wheat or Italian Herbs and Cheese bread???? After I told her that I was married, she continued her flirting until I commented that my wife probably just wanted her cold cut trio, not the combo meal that included chips, a drink and marital infidelity.
Johnnie's Charcoal Broiler/4th Street Burgers: RIP 4th Street Burgers in Moore, which closed a long time ago, but it was awesome. It was one of our favorite lunchtime choices back in the Westmoore High School days. What 4th Street Burgers and Johnnie's have in common is that at both restaurants, you place your order, give them your name, and then they call it out over the PA.
Being bright high school boys, we figured out that since we ordered at the same time, our food would be ready at the same time, and they'd be announcing our names at the same time. It would be boring if they just announced, "Matt. Chad. Kevin." So we always came up with a different set of names to give them that would sound funny over a PA if said at the same time. Sometimes it was hard to keep a straight face and tell a 60-year-old woman that your name was Bert, but it's easier than being the guy after him who says his name is Ernie. I don't remember very many of the names we gave, but we usually got a decent laugh out of the crowd and a dirty look from the old lady behind the counter.
KFC/Church's Chicken: Along the same lines of high school immaturity, we once pulled into a Church's Chicken drive-thru and tried to act like we were having a tough time deciding whether to eat there or go down the road to the KFC. Looking back on it now, I'm surprised we didn't just get a 16-year-old who couldn't care less and told us to go on down the road. Luckily, however, we got an 80-year-old lady who was quite detailed in her comparisons of the two restaurants. We remained skeptical, accusing her of just saying those things because she worked there, but she even had a comeback for that.
"I worked for the Colonel for 15 years, and I've eaten a lot of chicken," she said. "Trust me, ours is better." How can you argue with that? We ordered a bunch of chicken, and even though we were being rude and immature, I think we made that woman's day by ultimately believing her and buying the chicken.
Chick-Fil-A: One day not too long ago, I was sleeping in but Missy and Addie wanted us to go to Chick-Fil-A for lunch as a family, so they woke me up after they got back from the gym. For some reason, we needed to leave real soon because of an appointment or something. So I threw on a crappy T-shirt, some shorts, and some flip flops and got in Missy's car.
When we got over there, we realized that I hadn't grabbed my wallet, and Missy didn't have any money on her. There were a few $1 bills on the floor and a decent amount of loose change in Missy's car, and when we counted all the change up we had something like $9.87. We figured we could find something to eat for that amount, and it would be better than driving home and getting money.
I told the cashier our predicament and tried to figure out the best things to order on our budget. Soon, the manager walked over and gave us all free drinks and vouchers for two free chicken sandwiches. I thought, "Wow, that's really nice."
It was very nice, but I soon realized that this guy probably thought we were homeless! After all, I'm looking quite ratty, with mismatched shorts, shirt and bedhead, and Missy's half-sweating and wearing gym clothes! Oh well, I wasn't going to turn down a free sandwich!
McDonald's: I've never really eaten at McDonald's all that often, but when I lived in Lawton before I got married, there was one at the nearest intersection to my apartment.
One night, I planned to go through the drive-thru on my dinner break to grab something to take home to eat, but when I pulled up the place was closed.
I thought it was quite odd, but I found out what happened a couple days later after talking one of the city's leaders at the gym. He said that while health inspectors were at the restaurant, one of the employees dropped a burger on the ground, picked it up and put it right on the grill!
This shouldn't be that shocking, but my friend told me that all of the employees knew the health inspector was there, he was wearing a badge and the employees had been told in advance that he would be there. You'd think that for one day they could get their act together, but I guess not! The place was shut down for a week or two and then reopened.
Hardee's: Fair warning -- this is pretty gross. When I was in junior high, we stopped at a Hardee's (now Carl's Jr.) on a field trip. One of my buddies bit into his burger and there was a worm in there! We dug the rest of the worm out of the burger, showed it to everyone (especially the girls) and our teacher made us all leave.
I have a few more stories but I guess this blog has been long enough. The other night, after I finished writing down the stories, I got in a really goofy mood and came up with a song. At the risk of exposing myself as an utterly immature idiot, here it is. (Warning: Explicit toilet humor and PG lyrics)
(To the tune of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game")
Take me out for some fast food
Take me out with the crowds
Buy me some Pepto I've got the craps
I don't know if I'll ever get back
Til I poop and puke all my guts out
Coming here was a shame
Cause it's One! Two! Three! Tums I'll need
Won't you pass the Rolaids!!!!!!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
The LeBron Debate
I'm getting a little annoyed about all the crap LeBron James has been catching this week.
Here's a quick recap and the reason for my annoyance.
1) LeBron leads the team in scoring and assists during the regular season and is second in rebounding. After winning the previous two NBA MVP awards, he is second behind Chicago's Derrick Rose.
2) LeBron carries Miami past Boston and Chicago and into the NBA Finals, despite Dwyane Wade basically not showing up for either series.
3) Through 4 games of the NBA Finals, Wade is the team's best player but the Heat is locked in a 2-2 series with Dallas.
4) After Game 3, which ends with LeBron making a behind-the-back pass to Chris Bosh for the winning basket, the media and the LeBron haters say this is "D-Wade's team" because Wade led the team in scoring, and that LeBron only joined Miami so he could ride Wade's coattails to multiple championships.
Then, after he admittedly played far too passively in the Game 4 loss, said haters blamed it all on James. (I guess it's only Wade's team when they win.)
To someone who has been a LeBron fan since he came into the league eight years ago, or to someone who enjoys common sense, this is quite annoying. It's especially annoying since the main hating seems to be coming from the Kobe Bryant fan club.
I posted something about LeBron the other day on Facebook, and the Kobe lovers came out of the woodwork to claim that their guy was superior. Never mind that my post had absolutely nothing to do with Kobe. I guess these guys are used to watching Kobe in the NBA Finals, and now that he is old and irrelevant and not playing in the Finals, they have nothing to do but troll Facebook and bash anyone who likes another player.
Obviously Kobe is a great basketball player. More important -- to the media and his fan club anyway -- he fits the "Jordan mold." He shoots the ball 30 times a game, when he's on he's unstoppable, and he demands the ball at the end of every game.
There's nothing wrong with that. Jordan and Kobe, in that order, are the top two shooting guards to ever play the game. They take over games, and lots of times they win them. But the general deification of Jordan, and to a lesser extent Kobe, has caused people to think that shooting 30 times is the only way to be good at basketball.
Everyone wants to compare LeBron to Jordan and Kobe, but he's simply a different kind of player. Judging LeBron only by how many points he scores or how many pretty fade-away 18-footers he hits at the end of games is like going to an art gallery and only looking at the frames.
LeBron's never going to stack up to those guys simply in terms of scoring. But he's better than either of them as a rebounder and a passer, and his playmaking ability is what makes him different from anyone who's ever played the game.
The whole "decision" thing this past offseason put a bulls-eye on James' back, and his every move has been scrutinized this season. Lots of people who were indifferent or liked him before now hate him, and they're quick to pile on when he underperforms in the playoffs.
But let's take a closer look at what a "bad" game looks like for LeBron and Kobe. LeBron was 3-for-11 for 8 points, but he also had nine rebounds and seven assists. In his worst playoff game ever, he almost had a triple-double!
Let's look at a bad game for Kobe, this one coming in last year's NBA Finals. Bryant was 6-for-24 for 23 points. When Kobe plays bad, he still scores 23 points because he took 24 shots. He shot a lower field goal percentage than LeBron did, but it doesn't look nearly as bad as scoring just 8 points in an NBA Finals game. Thus LeBron becomes a much easier target.
In team sports, players get a lot of credit and a lot of blame for things that are out of their control. Derek Jeter gets lauded as a winner and "The Captain," but how many titles would he have won in Pittsburgh? He got lucky to have spent his whole career as a Yankee, and his reputation has been boosted mightily because of it.
Kobe got drafted by Charlotte, but was traded to the Lakers. How many titles do you think he would have won in Charlotte? I'm going to say zero.
LeBron got drafted by Cleveland, a city that hasn't won anything in any sport since FM radio was invented. He single-handedly beat Detroit (the same team that has just beaten Kobe AND Shaq in the Finals) and took the Cavaliers to the Finals. That, to me, is the most impressive thing LeBron will ever do in his career. Nobody has come that close to winning a title with no help. Yet Kobe fans and LeBron haters labeled him a choker who couldn't win the big one.
Like LeBron, Jordan couldn't get past that final hurdle by himself in Chicago for the first several years of his career. Then the Bulls drafted Scottie Pippen and hired Phil Jackson to coach, and suddenly Jordan is the greatest player of all time.
I keep hearing the word "legacy" in regards to LeBron. Kobe fans love to talk about his. LeBron haters love to say he's destroying his legacy by teaming up with Wade or by having an off game in the Finals.
Here's my take on each player's legacy.
Kobe is a Hall-of-Fame guard who was the best player in the game at one time. That's no small accomplishment. He's won five titles, but his me-first attitude ran Shaq out of town and cost him at least two more (which ironically would have put him ahead of his idol, Jordan). That attitude also led to him being charged with rape. Attitudes are things we can control, as opposed to draft-day trades that happen to land you in Los Angeles with the richest franchise in the league (or in Cleveland with one of the poorest). Nevertheless, Kobe deserves credit for a tireless work ethic and a will to win, two more things he had control over.
LeBron's been getting ridiculous hype since he was 13. His high school games were on ESPN. Most child-star actors or athletes end up being disappointments, addicts, or both, but LeBron has been every bit as good as advertised for eight seasons, all without a single DUI or domestic issue. The worst thing he's ever done is hold a press conference. He's the best player in the game today, and he's going to win his titles, whether he gets one this year or not.
Instead of just looking at a point total or piling onto a guy because he held a press conference, appreciate LeBron's game for what it is. Don't compare apples to oranges. LeBron's game is much more similar to Oscar Robertson and Magic Johnson than Jordan or Kobe, and those guys all played in different eras, which brings up an entirely different debate.
These NBA Finals have been amazing. Every game is coming down to the final seconds. Let's focus on that, instead of making irrelevant Kobe/LeBron legacy comparisons 10 years before LeBron's career is over.
Here's a quick recap and the reason for my annoyance.
1) LeBron leads the team in scoring and assists during the regular season and is second in rebounding. After winning the previous two NBA MVP awards, he is second behind Chicago's Derrick Rose.
2) LeBron carries Miami past Boston and Chicago and into the NBA Finals, despite Dwyane Wade basically not showing up for either series.
3) Through 4 games of the NBA Finals, Wade is the team's best player but the Heat is locked in a 2-2 series with Dallas.
4) After Game 3, which ends with LeBron making a behind-the-back pass to Chris Bosh for the winning basket, the media and the LeBron haters say this is "D-Wade's team" because Wade led the team in scoring, and that LeBron only joined Miami so he could ride Wade's coattails to multiple championships.
Then, after he admittedly played far too passively in the Game 4 loss, said haters blamed it all on James. (I guess it's only Wade's team when they win.)
To someone who has been a LeBron fan since he came into the league eight years ago, or to someone who enjoys common sense, this is quite annoying. It's especially annoying since the main hating seems to be coming from the Kobe Bryant fan club.
I posted something about LeBron the other day on Facebook, and the Kobe lovers came out of the woodwork to claim that their guy was superior. Never mind that my post had absolutely nothing to do with Kobe. I guess these guys are used to watching Kobe in the NBA Finals, and now that he is old and irrelevant and not playing in the Finals, they have nothing to do but troll Facebook and bash anyone who likes another player.
Obviously Kobe is a great basketball player. More important -- to the media and his fan club anyway -- he fits the "Jordan mold." He shoots the ball 30 times a game, when he's on he's unstoppable, and he demands the ball at the end of every game.
There's nothing wrong with that. Jordan and Kobe, in that order, are the top two shooting guards to ever play the game. They take over games, and lots of times they win them. But the general deification of Jordan, and to a lesser extent Kobe, has caused people to think that shooting 30 times is the only way to be good at basketball.
Everyone wants to compare LeBron to Jordan and Kobe, but he's simply a different kind of player. Judging LeBron only by how many points he scores or how many pretty fade-away 18-footers he hits at the end of games is like going to an art gallery and only looking at the frames.
LeBron's never going to stack up to those guys simply in terms of scoring. But he's better than either of them as a rebounder and a passer, and his playmaking ability is what makes him different from anyone who's ever played the game.
The whole "decision" thing this past offseason put a bulls-eye on James' back, and his every move has been scrutinized this season. Lots of people who were indifferent or liked him before now hate him, and they're quick to pile on when he underperforms in the playoffs.
But let's take a closer look at what a "bad" game looks like for LeBron and Kobe. LeBron was 3-for-11 for 8 points, but he also had nine rebounds and seven assists. In his worst playoff game ever, he almost had a triple-double!
Let's look at a bad game for Kobe, this one coming in last year's NBA Finals. Bryant was 6-for-24 for 23 points. When Kobe plays bad, he still scores 23 points because he took 24 shots. He shot a lower field goal percentage than LeBron did, but it doesn't look nearly as bad as scoring just 8 points in an NBA Finals game. Thus LeBron becomes a much easier target.
In team sports, players get a lot of credit and a lot of blame for things that are out of their control. Derek Jeter gets lauded as a winner and "The Captain," but how many titles would he have won in Pittsburgh? He got lucky to have spent his whole career as a Yankee, and his reputation has been boosted mightily because of it.
Kobe got drafted by Charlotte, but was traded to the Lakers. How many titles do you think he would have won in Charlotte? I'm going to say zero.
LeBron got drafted by Cleveland, a city that hasn't won anything in any sport since FM radio was invented. He single-handedly beat Detroit (the same team that has just beaten Kobe AND Shaq in the Finals) and took the Cavaliers to the Finals. That, to me, is the most impressive thing LeBron will ever do in his career. Nobody has come that close to winning a title with no help. Yet Kobe fans and LeBron haters labeled him a choker who couldn't win the big one.
Like LeBron, Jordan couldn't get past that final hurdle by himself in Chicago for the first several years of his career. Then the Bulls drafted Scottie Pippen and hired Phil Jackson to coach, and suddenly Jordan is the greatest player of all time.
I keep hearing the word "legacy" in regards to LeBron. Kobe fans love to talk about his. LeBron haters love to say he's destroying his legacy by teaming up with Wade or by having an off game in the Finals.
Here's my take on each player's legacy.
Kobe is a Hall-of-Fame guard who was the best player in the game at one time. That's no small accomplishment. He's won five titles, but his me-first attitude ran Shaq out of town and cost him at least two more (which ironically would have put him ahead of his idol, Jordan). That attitude also led to him being charged with rape. Attitudes are things we can control, as opposed to draft-day trades that happen to land you in Los Angeles with the richest franchise in the league (or in Cleveland with one of the poorest). Nevertheless, Kobe deserves credit for a tireless work ethic and a will to win, two more things he had control over.
LeBron's been getting ridiculous hype since he was 13. His high school games were on ESPN. Most child-star actors or athletes end up being disappointments, addicts, or both, but LeBron has been every bit as good as advertised for eight seasons, all without a single DUI or domestic issue. The worst thing he's ever done is hold a press conference. He's the best player in the game today, and he's going to win his titles, whether he gets one this year or not.
Instead of just looking at a point total or piling onto a guy because he held a press conference, appreciate LeBron's game for what it is. Don't compare apples to oranges. LeBron's game is much more similar to Oscar Robertson and Magic Johnson than Jordan or Kobe, and those guys all played in different eras, which brings up an entirely different debate.
These NBA Finals have been amazing. Every game is coming down to the final seconds. Let's focus on that, instead of making irrelevant Kobe/LeBron legacy comparisons 10 years before LeBron's career is over.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Just Add Water
My precious daughter Addison has been on quite a roll lately.
The other day, when the tornadoes hit, I had a couple of poker-playing friends over because we have a storm shelter and they don't.
Addie really took to both of them, but she especially liked my friend Brian. After knowing him for about 30 minutes, she ran up to him and tried to kiss him on the mouth! If that's how she's acting at two-and-a-half years old, I can't imagine what it's going to be like in a dozen years. Anyone know a good gun shop?
After the storms passed, we all decided to go to a Thai restaurant. Missy, Addie and I took one car, and the boys drove separate. On the way over there, Missy and I were talking and Addie said, "Mommy." We were in the middle of our brief discussion so we just kept talking. Again Addie said, "Mommy." Missy was on the last sentence of our talk, but Addie couldn't wait any longer. "MOMMY!!!" she screamed at the top of her voice.
"Yes honey," Missy said. To which Addie calmly replied, "Where's Brian?"
Addison loves to help Missy with watering the gardens. Yesterday, unfortunately, she decided that our laptop needed some hydration. So I'm writing this blog on the old desktop, which literally took an hour to boot up. Once it gets going, it's not a ton slower than our laptop, but it does make a loud whirring sound on occasion.
When we bought the laptop, we figured it needed some "Addie protection," so we bought the full warranty, which includes things like pouring water all over it. We're crossing our fingers that the hard drive isn't fried, but regardless it won't cost us anything to fix/replace it. We'll just have to keep Addie from watering the old desktop for the next 2-3 weeks until we get our computer back.
The other day, when the tornadoes hit, I had a couple of poker-playing friends over because we have a storm shelter and they don't.
Addie really took to both of them, but she especially liked my friend Brian. After knowing him for about 30 minutes, she ran up to him and tried to kiss him on the mouth! If that's how she's acting at two-and-a-half years old, I can't imagine what it's going to be like in a dozen years. Anyone know a good gun shop?
After the storms passed, we all decided to go to a Thai restaurant. Missy, Addie and I took one car, and the boys drove separate. On the way over there, Missy and I were talking and Addie said, "Mommy." We were in the middle of our brief discussion so we just kept talking. Again Addie said, "Mommy." Missy was on the last sentence of our talk, but Addie couldn't wait any longer. "MOMMY!!!" she screamed at the top of her voice.
"Yes honey," Missy said. To which Addie calmly replied, "Where's Brian?"
Addison loves to help Missy with watering the gardens. Yesterday, unfortunately, she decided that our laptop needed some hydration. So I'm writing this blog on the old desktop, which literally took an hour to boot up. Once it gets going, it's not a ton slower than our laptop, but it does make a loud whirring sound on occasion.
When we bought the laptop, we figured it needed some "Addie protection," so we bought the full warranty, which includes things like pouring water all over it. We're crossing our fingers that the hard drive isn't fried, but regardless it won't cost us anything to fix/replace it. We'll just have to keep Addie from watering the old desktop for the next 2-3 weeks until we get our computer back.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Loads and Loads of Fun
Spent a month in Durant, Oklahoma on a poker trip this weekend, and it was loads of fun.
It started with a mix-up at the hotel I was staying at. I booked it through hotels.com and, long story short, it looked like they double-charged me for the room. I paid cash, but there was a debit on my bank card for the same hotel on the same day. Then it looked like hotels.com charged us once and the hotel charged us once, so we called hotels.com and had a wonderful conversation with them through an interpreter. Then it turned out that the charge was for my stay the previous weekend, but it didn't show up on my e-bank deal until the same day I checked in for the second time. Fun.
On Friday, I played for about 10 hours and lost $50 without anything exciting happening at all. Fun.
On Saturday, I was down about $500 after six hours. In total, I had been playing for 16 hours and hadn't really had one decent pot to show for it. I was sick of folding and waiting for something to happen, so I called Missy to vent. I told her I was considering switching tables and she agreed that was a good idea.
So I went back in, put my name on the list for a table change, and sat down at my table. I had to post the blinds that I had missed from being on the phone, which meant I had to play a random, terrible hand. Somehow, my terrible hand connected with the board, and I had the absolute best possible hand. I couldn't make anything happen for 16 hours with good cards, and here I was about to win a monster pot with some rags.
During the hand, I was informed that my seat at a different table was open and I was asked if I still wanted it. I went all-in for $800 and decided that if I won the hand, I would stay at this table, but if I lost I would move. One by one my opponents folded, until the last one called me with two pair. I had a straight, but the final card gave him a full house. To recap, I talked to Missy for 15 minutes, decided to switch tables, played one hand and lost everything I had in front of me. Fun.
Then I switched tables, and I have to take a minute to talk about this dude that was at my second table. My poker friends are familiar with a guy known as Tuff Fish online. Tuff Fish was a middle-aged hick who used to make videos of himself playing online poker and commentate on the hands as he played them. Unfortunately he didn't handle losing very well, which made for some hilarious videos. If you're interested, you can YouTube Tuff Fish, but I must warn you that the language is incredibly offensive. I tried to find one clip to post on here as an example, and they were all way too blue. This guy can't go 15 seconds without dropping an F bomb.
Anyway, I played with a guy Saturday night who was a real life version of Tuff Fish. He was probably in his late 50's, with a muscular build and a shaved bald head. He was already losing a lot when I got there, and after another lost pot his face turned beet red, and he stood up and started pacing around. Finally he slammed his fist on a drink tray at a table behind us, sending two drinks flying into the air.
He returned to my table and got involved in another pot. He bet, another man raised, and he raised another $400 on top. When his opponent went all in and he was forced to fold, real life Tuff Fish lost it. I won't repeat any of what he said, but his face was again as red as can be and he was spouting off profanities in incomplete sentences. His opponent was nice enough to show that he had the best possible hand, but that didn't seem to help. More cussing ensued, and the dealer called over security. Tuff Fish's opponent said sheepily, "I'm sorry you're upset." And Tuff Fish said, "Yeah, I bet you're real %&^*$#%ing sorry!" I couldn't help myself -- I burst out laughing. Probably not a good idea, but I needed a laugh after the way my weekend was going.
Of course, karma bit me right in the butt later on when Tuff Fish caught a perfect card to beat my made straight with a flush draw. To recap, I laughed at this dude and then handed him $1000 ten minutes later. Fun.
The final day of my trip was a blast, too. I was down $1900 for the weekend and wanted to at least put a dent in it. I played for 13 hours -- played really good too -- and won back a whopping $125. The highlight of that session was catching a lucky 6 to make a straight and build a huge pot, only to have a middle-aged Asian woman make four-of-a-kind on the last card and stand up, clap and hoot loudly for the next 30 seconds while my profit went from $1000 to $100. She was going, "Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay" in a real high-pitch voice.
F.U.N.
It started with a mix-up at the hotel I was staying at. I booked it through hotels.com and, long story short, it looked like they double-charged me for the room. I paid cash, but there was a debit on my bank card for the same hotel on the same day. Then it looked like hotels.com charged us once and the hotel charged us once, so we called hotels.com and had a wonderful conversation with them through an interpreter. Then it turned out that the charge was for my stay the previous weekend, but it didn't show up on my e-bank deal until the same day I checked in for the second time. Fun.
On Friday, I played for about 10 hours and lost $50 without anything exciting happening at all. Fun.
On Saturday, I was down about $500 after six hours. In total, I had been playing for 16 hours and hadn't really had one decent pot to show for it. I was sick of folding and waiting for something to happen, so I called Missy to vent. I told her I was considering switching tables and she agreed that was a good idea.
So I went back in, put my name on the list for a table change, and sat down at my table. I had to post the blinds that I had missed from being on the phone, which meant I had to play a random, terrible hand. Somehow, my terrible hand connected with the board, and I had the absolute best possible hand. I couldn't make anything happen for 16 hours with good cards, and here I was about to win a monster pot with some rags.
During the hand, I was informed that my seat at a different table was open and I was asked if I still wanted it. I went all-in for $800 and decided that if I won the hand, I would stay at this table, but if I lost I would move. One by one my opponents folded, until the last one called me with two pair. I had a straight, but the final card gave him a full house. To recap, I talked to Missy for 15 minutes, decided to switch tables, played one hand and lost everything I had in front of me. Fun.
Then I switched tables, and I have to take a minute to talk about this dude that was at my second table. My poker friends are familiar with a guy known as Tuff Fish online. Tuff Fish was a middle-aged hick who used to make videos of himself playing online poker and commentate on the hands as he played them. Unfortunately he didn't handle losing very well, which made for some hilarious videos. If you're interested, you can YouTube Tuff Fish, but I must warn you that the language is incredibly offensive. I tried to find one clip to post on here as an example, and they were all way too blue. This guy can't go 15 seconds without dropping an F bomb.
Anyway, I played with a guy Saturday night who was a real life version of Tuff Fish. He was probably in his late 50's, with a muscular build and a shaved bald head. He was already losing a lot when I got there, and after another lost pot his face turned beet red, and he stood up and started pacing around. Finally he slammed his fist on a drink tray at a table behind us, sending two drinks flying into the air.
He returned to my table and got involved in another pot. He bet, another man raised, and he raised another $400 on top. When his opponent went all in and he was forced to fold, real life Tuff Fish lost it. I won't repeat any of what he said, but his face was again as red as can be and he was spouting off profanities in incomplete sentences. His opponent was nice enough to show that he had the best possible hand, but that didn't seem to help. More cussing ensued, and the dealer called over security. Tuff Fish's opponent said sheepily, "I'm sorry you're upset." And Tuff Fish said, "Yeah, I bet you're real %&^*$#%ing sorry!" I couldn't help myself -- I burst out laughing. Probably not a good idea, but I needed a laugh after the way my weekend was going.
Of course, karma bit me right in the butt later on when Tuff Fish caught a perfect card to beat my made straight with a flush draw. To recap, I laughed at this dude and then handed him $1000 ten minutes later. Fun.
The final day of my trip was a blast, too. I was down $1900 for the weekend and wanted to at least put a dent in it. I played for 13 hours -- played really good too -- and won back a whopping $125. The highlight of that session was catching a lucky 6 to make a straight and build a huge pot, only to have a middle-aged Asian woman make four-of-a-kind on the last card and stand up, clap and hoot loudly for the next 30 seconds while my profit went from $1000 to $100. She was going, "Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay" in a real high-pitch voice.
F.U.N.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Another Great IHOP Experience
The last time I went to IHOP, it was such a ridiculous experience that I blogged about it.
http://luckylifeblog.blogspot.com/2010/12/my-last-possibly-forever-visit-to-ihop.html
If you looked at the comments on the aforementioned blog, my friend Chad suggested that future visits to IHOP be made only in the middle of the night.
Well, I took his advice. The result was yet another epic fail.
This time, I went a step further than just altering my appearance time. I didn't order anything but a glass of water.
It was a post-poker session IHOP visit with my friends Brian and Rychy at about 4:30 a.m. I wasn't hungry, I was just there to chill.
We waited the standard 5 minutes in a nearly-empty restaurant just to get someone to look at us and seat us. Then the waiter came by and asked what we wanted to drink. We all wanted water, but Rychy also wanted an orange juice.
The drinks actually came out in a timely manner. This was the beginning and the end of what IHOP did right during our visit. The drinks were timely but not entirely correct. The waiter brought two waters and an orange juice, and Rychy politely asked again for a water to go with his juice.
In the time between when our drinks came and when he took our orders, our waiter could have driven across town to his local drug dealer, conducted a seamless transaction, and returned to our table. I'm not saying that's what happened, just that it theoretically could have happened within that amount of time.
When he came back, he still didn't have Rychy's water, so Rychy asked for it again. Then the waiter took their orders. (I have to point out the irony of Rychy's order. He got the "Slim-N-Fit Egg Breakfast" but asked to substitute pancakes for the wheat toast. He should have just said, "I'll have the Slim-N-Fit Egg Breakfast, hold the Slim and the Fit.")
In the time between taking their orders and bringing their food, our waiter could have handed out the drugs he just bought to every employee in the restaurant, enjoyed them to the fullest, and made out with one of the waitresses. I'm not saying that's what happened, just that it theoretically could have happened within that amount of time.
Finally our waiter arrived with the food. He still does not have Rychy's water. Rychy asked yet again for a glass of ice water. The boys are now ready to eat, except for one problem -- we have no silverware on the table. Instead of waiting for this drooler of a waiter to get the silverware, Brian marches right up to the hostess station and grabs a couple of sets. Problem solved.
Now there is another problem. While waiting for silverware, Rychy realizes that his meal was supposed to come with a fruit bowl. This wasn't really too hard to notice, since his entire meal consisted of some eggs, the substituted pancakes, and a fruit bowl.
In the time between the waiter came brought the food and when he came back with Rychy's water, he could have been arrested on charges of possession and distribution of drugs, hired a good lawyer, gotten out of jail and come back to finish his shift. I'm not saying that's what happened, just that it theoretically could have happened within that amount of time.
When he came back with his half-baked -- I mean half-closed -- eyes and said, "How's everrrthang, gentulllmunn?" Rychy said, "I think my meal was supposed to come with a fruit bowl." Instead of giving any kind of fake thoughtful gesture, the waiter just said, "No. It doesn't."
Rychy said, "Well, could you check on it or something, because if I'm not mistaken it was supposed to come with a fruit bowl." The waiter said, "I don't think so, but I'll check on it."
In the time between when the waiter went to check on the fruit bowl status and when he returned, he could have entered and successfully completed a 12-week drug rehabilitation program. And then relapsed. I'm not saying that's what happened, just that it theoretically could have happened within that amount of time.
Then the waiter returned with a bowl of fruit. Instead of quickly retreating back to the smoke room like he had on every other visit, this time the waiter just kind of loomed over the table. Rychy said thanks, but this guy stood around the area without saying or doing anything. To an amateur like me, it seemed like he was waiting for Rychy to take a bite so he could go back and report to his co-workers that the sucker just took a bite of the special fruit bowl.
After Rychy ate the obviously-spat-upon fruit bowl, they paid the check and we left.
I'm not sure who's running these IHOPs, but they're a gold mine for bloggable material. Keep up the good work, IHOP.
http://luckylifeblog.blogspot.com/2010/12/my-last-possibly-forever-visit-to-ihop.html
If you looked at the comments on the aforementioned blog, my friend Chad suggested that future visits to IHOP be made only in the middle of the night.
Well, I took his advice. The result was yet another epic fail.
This time, I went a step further than just altering my appearance time. I didn't order anything but a glass of water.
It was a post-poker session IHOP visit with my friends Brian and Rychy at about 4:30 a.m. I wasn't hungry, I was just there to chill.
We waited the standard 5 minutes in a nearly-empty restaurant just to get someone to look at us and seat us. Then the waiter came by and asked what we wanted to drink. We all wanted water, but Rychy also wanted an orange juice.
The drinks actually came out in a timely manner. This was the beginning and the end of what IHOP did right during our visit. The drinks were timely but not entirely correct. The waiter brought two waters and an orange juice, and Rychy politely asked again for a water to go with his juice.
In the time between when our drinks came and when he took our orders, our waiter could have driven across town to his local drug dealer, conducted a seamless transaction, and returned to our table. I'm not saying that's what happened, just that it theoretically could have happened within that amount of time.
When he came back, he still didn't have Rychy's water, so Rychy asked for it again. Then the waiter took their orders. (I have to point out the irony of Rychy's order. He got the "Slim-N-Fit Egg Breakfast" but asked to substitute pancakes for the wheat toast. He should have just said, "I'll have the Slim-N-Fit Egg Breakfast, hold the Slim and the Fit.")
In the time between taking their orders and bringing their food, our waiter could have handed out the drugs he just bought to every employee in the restaurant, enjoyed them to the fullest, and made out with one of the waitresses. I'm not saying that's what happened, just that it theoretically could have happened within that amount of time.
Finally our waiter arrived with the food. He still does not have Rychy's water. Rychy asked yet again for a glass of ice water. The boys are now ready to eat, except for one problem -- we have no silverware on the table. Instead of waiting for this drooler of a waiter to get the silverware, Brian marches right up to the hostess station and grabs a couple of sets. Problem solved.
Now there is another problem. While waiting for silverware, Rychy realizes that his meal was supposed to come with a fruit bowl. This wasn't really too hard to notice, since his entire meal consisted of some eggs, the substituted pancakes, and a fruit bowl.
In the time between the waiter came brought the food and when he came back with Rychy's water, he could have been arrested on charges of possession and distribution of drugs, hired a good lawyer, gotten out of jail and come back to finish his shift. I'm not saying that's what happened, just that it theoretically could have happened within that amount of time.
When he came back with his half-baked -- I mean half-closed -- eyes and said, "How's everrrthang, gentulllmunn?" Rychy said, "I think my meal was supposed to come with a fruit bowl." Instead of giving any kind of fake thoughtful gesture, the waiter just said, "No. It doesn't."
Rychy said, "Well, could you check on it or something, because if I'm not mistaken it was supposed to come with a fruit bowl." The waiter said, "I don't think so, but I'll check on it."
In the time between when the waiter went to check on the fruit bowl status and when he returned, he could have entered and successfully completed a 12-week drug rehabilitation program. And then relapsed. I'm not saying that's what happened, just that it theoretically could have happened within that amount of time.
Then the waiter returned with a bowl of fruit. Instead of quickly retreating back to the smoke room like he had on every other visit, this time the waiter just kind of loomed over the table. Rychy said thanks, but this guy stood around the area without saying or doing anything. To an amateur like me, it seemed like he was waiting for Rychy to take a bite so he could go back and report to his co-workers that the sucker just took a bite of the special fruit bowl.
After Rychy ate the obviously-spat-upon fruit bowl, they paid the check and we left.
I'm not sure who's running these IHOPs, but they're a gold mine for bloggable material. Keep up the good work, IHOP.
Monday, April 25, 2011
At Least the Easter Bunny Only Poops Eggs
Just like most people 2000 years ago probably didn't expect the whole "Jesus rising from the dead" thing, our Easter Sunday didn't go exactly as planned.
The plan was to go to church, and then after church they were having a huge Easter egg hunt outside for all the kids. My family in Asia was wanting pictures of Addison so we thought this would be a great opportunity.
We got Addie in her beautiful Easter dress and went to church. Because of the rain, of course, they had to move the Easter egg hunt indoors. As soon as church let out, we realized we had forgotten our camera. We sent Missy's brother Aaron home to get the camera. It's only five minutes away so we figured he'd be there in 10 minutes.
We then went to the nursery to get Addie, only to be met with some bad news. Addie had a huge blowout and had gotten poop all over her leggings and onto her Easter dress. Addison hadn't had a poop blowout in a good 6 months, but of course Easter Sunday is a great day to break that streak.
By now the camera has arrived from home. I'm really glad we had the camera so we could get pictures of a naked Addie or the poop-stained dress. One or the other.
We decided to put Addie's coat on, but other than that she was only wearing a diaper and shoes. We went to join the Easter egg hunt -- only to find that all the other kids had snatched up every single egg.
Fortunately, a mother in our church knew about Addie's plight. She had four kids of her own, so they had acquired plenty of egg plunder during their search. She took some of her kids' excess eggs and re-hid them for Addie, and Addie had a lot of fun finding them. (Thanks Karen!!)
Despite Addie's unconventional new outfit, we got some good pictures of the egg search.
Somehow, the rest of the day went pretty much as planned. We ate a great Easter dinner and took advantage of the rainy weather to take a good nap afterward.
I suppose, on a much smaller and less important scale, that our Easter was kinda like the one 2000 years ago. It wasn't at all what we expected, but it turned out pretty good in the end.
The plan was to go to church, and then after church they were having a huge Easter egg hunt outside for all the kids. My family in Asia was wanting pictures of Addison so we thought this would be a great opportunity.
We got Addie in her beautiful Easter dress and went to church. Because of the rain, of course, they had to move the Easter egg hunt indoors. As soon as church let out, we realized we had forgotten our camera. We sent Missy's brother Aaron home to get the camera. It's only five minutes away so we figured he'd be there in 10 minutes.
We then went to the nursery to get Addie, only to be met with some bad news. Addie had a huge blowout and had gotten poop all over her leggings and onto her Easter dress. Addison hadn't had a poop blowout in a good 6 months, but of course Easter Sunday is a great day to break that streak.
By now the camera has arrived from home. I'm really glad we had the camera so we could get pictures of a naked Addie or the poop-stained dress. One or the other.
We decided to put Addie's coat on, but other than that she was only wearing a diaper and shoes. We went to join the Easter egg hunt -- only to find that all the other kids had snatched up every single egg.
Fortunately, a mother in our church knew about Addie's plight. She had four kids of her own, so they had acquired plenty of egg plunder during their search. She took some of her kids' excess eggs and re-hid them for Addie, and Addie had a lot of fun finding them. (Thanks Karen!!)
Despite Addie's unconventional new outfit, we got some good pictures of the egg search.
Somehow, the rest of the day went pretty much as planned. We ate a great Easter dinner and took advantage of the rainy weather to take a good nap afterward.
I suppose, on a much smaller and less important scale, that our Easter was kinda like the one 2000 years ago. It wasn't at all what we expected, but it turned out pretty good in the end.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Arrested Development
I went to play at the WinStar Casino last weekend, the big one right on the Oklahoma-Texas I-35 border.
They were gettin' me pretty good, and I decided to take a break to go outside and talk to Missy.
I was kind of wandering around an empty part of the parking lot as we were talking, when all of a sudden a police car flew up and turned on its lights. The officer got out of the car and said, "I need you to hang up the phone."
I told Missy, "Honey, it looks like I'm getting arrested. I'll call you back."
The officer then said, "Do you have any weapons on you? Please put your arms out."
I'm not sure why he asked me about the weapons, because he patted me down even after I said no.
He then informed me that there was a kidnapping suspect on foot in the area. I waited about five minutes while he ran my ID, then let me go when it came back clean.
After my name was cleared, I tried to report to the officer that the poker players inside the casino were robbing me, but that didn't gain much sympathy either.
They were gettin' me pretty good, and I decided to take a break to go outside and talk to Missy.
I was kind of wandering around an empty part of the parking lot as we were talking, when all of a sudden a police car flew up and turned on its lights. The officer got out of the car and said, "I need you to hang up the phone."
I told Missy, "Honey, it looks like I'm getting arrested. I'll call you back."
The officer then said, "Do you have any weapons on you? Please put your arms out."
I'm not sure why he asked me about the weapons, because he patted me down even after I said no.
He then informed me that there was a kidnapping suspect on foot in the area. I waited about five minutes while he ran my ID, then let me go when it came back clean.
After my name was cleared, I tried to report to the officer that the poker players inside the casino were robbing me, but that didn't gain much sympathy either.
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