Pretty Fly For A White Guy

Last week I bought a new pair of shorts at Old Navy. Stop the presses, right?
Anyway, last weekend I went to Durant for a poker tournament. I pack pretty light, and for this two-night stay I brought a pair of jeans and my new shorts. That's it in the pants department.
On the first day we were down there, I wore the new shorts. After a few hours of poker, I hit the urinal. Business as usual, until I get done. I zip the shorts up about a quarter of the way and then the fly breaks off. I'm holding the thing in my hand while my pants remain 75 percent unzipped. A brief attempt to re-attach the zipper resulted in utter failure and a small cut on my index finger.
Before I could even get out of the poker room to go back to my room to change, I saw a few friends and had to stop and say hi.In these poker tournaments, there's always a few photographers trolling the room. Some of them are are looking for the big chip stacks at the time, some of them are looking for celebrities or poker pros, and some of them just take everyone's picture and hope you'll pay them $20 for a print.
While I was talking to my friend Jon Bennett, I noticed a photographer taking his picture. I didn't take me long to realize that Jon is sitting at a poker table, and I am standing right behind him, which means my wide open fly is about 4 inches from his head and directly in line with the photographer's shot. I decided it probably wasn't a good time to mention to Jon that my fly was open (so this whole thing is probably news to Jon if he's reading it!), but I made up an excuse and got the heck out of there.
It's a pretty lengthy walk from the poker room to the hotel tower connected to the casino where we were staying, and I was a little self-conscious about it. I was pulling my T-shirt down as low as it would go and holding it that way while I walked.
Long story short, I made sure to have four napkins on my lap for every meal I ate with the jeans on, since I had no backup for those. And I didn't make a dime in the poker tournament, so Missy's going to have to work an extra shift at the hospital...Daddy needs a new pair of shorts!