One of the first movies I ever watched with Missy was "Meet the Parents," the Ben Stiller/Robert de Niro comedy about a young man trying to impress his soon-to-be father-in-law (lot of hyphens there) with plenty of comedic obstacles getting in the way.
Missy hated it. She kept saying it was stressing her out and totally unrealistic because all of this stuff could never happen to one person on one weekend and if it did, they would boot Mr. Stiller out of their lives forever instead of giving him 32 second chances.
Not that I thought it was cinematic genius, but I thought the movie was decent. Hard to go too wrong with de Niro. My only problem with it was that was that Stiller's character's name was Gaylord Focker, which they exploited for its resemblance to dirty words for about 50 cheap laughs. They followed that up with sequels called "Meet the Fockers" and "Little Fockers" so people could be cracking up just seeing the title on the marquee. It was funny the first time I heard it, after that not so much. Surely we can do better than relying on one half-witted name to make an audience laugh these days.
(An aside: Missy and I rarely watch movies together because I only like about 10% of them and I make fun of the rest of them, which annoys her since she likes 90% of movies. So it's ironic that I found this one bearable and she didn't. Also, I find it funny that she thought "Meet the Parents" was totally unrealistic but she's watched every episode of "Charmed" more than once. Love you honey!)
If Missy and I somehow decided to watch that movie today, unfortunately I would have to predict that she might find it a lot more realistic.
Ever since we moved into our new house in February, we've had quite a bit of trouble with our air conditioner. Before we even moved in, the compressor was busted and it had to be fixed. It was (supposedly), and we also got the standard one-year home warranty.
About two months after we moved in, the A/C started acting up a little. It functioned, but the house would be about 75 when we wanted it at 70. So we called the warranty people and they sent out the same company that had replaced the compressor, and they seemed to fix the problem.
That worked for about two more months, until it didn't. Again, it would be like 75 in the house. So they sent this company out again. The Focker they sent out this time tried to tell us that the problem was our air filters, which were only four months old and not overly dirty. I found this hard to believe but we replaced them anyway. He also said there were some burnt wired in the unit and replaced them. I guess the air filters snuck out at night burned up some wires on our outside unit. We had a spate of cool weather and didn't need the A/C much over the next two weeks, but when we did need it, it couldn't seem to get the house under 75 if it was over 90 outside. Also, the unit started making a loud screaming noise when it was running. This started immediately after he "repaired" it.
I called the Fockers over at our fine warranty company, American Home Shield. They send the same dude out, from First Time Heat and Air (which seems like the Gaylord Focker of heat and air company names). Now he tries to tell me there must have been some kind of brownout in the unit that happened after his last visit, causing the screaming and the inefficiency in it. I told him the inefficiency was just the same as always, so it was quite unlikely to be the magical brownout that occurred after you Focked up our unit the last time you showed up.
Showing quite a bit of nerve, he proceeds to tell me that he thinks our compressor just isn't very good. That it's running the best it can but it needs to be replaced. He says he can install a new one for us for the bargain basement price of $1500, but I shouldn't bother trying to get the warranty to cover it because he doesn't think there is anything mechanically wrong with it and that's what his report to them will say. (My report to the Better Business Bureau will read a little differently, but I'll screw with that after we have some air conditioning in our house).
I told him that his company installed the current compressor a mere five months ago, and if they can't stand by their work or install a compressor that lasts more than five months, I think it's time to move on down the road.
I called the warranty people back and said I wanted someone else to come out. Of course, every time you call the warranty company, you sit on hold forever and then they tell you they can't get anyone out until the next day, which means another day of it being 75 in the house. One day it was particularly hot and the house got up to 81 so we got a hotel room. That might have been a fun and cool experience if it only happened once and our A/C got fixed the next day. But it didn't.
Just as Mr. Focker at First Time Heat and Air had said, his report stated no mechanical failure with the unit. So the warranty company said they'd send someone out for a second opinion, but if they didn't find a problem we would be billed for the visit. Fine. Go.
So they send us All About Comfort, and their repairman seems to know his stuff. He says First Time used a wrong part and botched the initial compressor installation. He also said the brownout and air filter theories were total crap. He said he'd send his report in and then the warranty company would call me back and we'd proceed from there because he couldn't actually fix anything until they approved it.
Of course, you never hear back from the warranty company. You have to call them if you want anything to happen. I gave them a generous 24 hours and then I called. "That report just hit our desk 15 minutes ago! We were just about to call you!" Sure. Of course they can't get the guy to come back out until the next day.
So he shows up with a disappointed look on his face. "I told them I thought the compressor needed to be replaced, but they only authorized me to change the bad part First Time installed. That should at least stop the screaming sound and hopefully your unit will work better, but I wouldn't expect this to be a long-term solution."
Whatever, not surprising that these jerks want the cheapest way out every time. I figured I'd let him get the screaming stopped and then fight their decision. But 15 minutes later, the repairman knocks on the door and says that during the process of trying to replace the bad part, the whole compressor is now broken. In other words, no A/C at all. This is Tuesday.
So as our house temp climbs into the mid-80s, we pack our stuff and get another hotel room. At the same time, we drop our car off to get an oil leak fixed. We'd just bought a used car with high mileage and at the pre-purchase inspection the mechanic said it had an oil leak that would cost $175 to fix. So we took $200 off the purchase price, closed the deal and now two weeks later I was finally getting around to fixing the leak.
We take care of that and I decide to head to the office and try to win enough to pay for some of this BS. Long story short, I lost enough to buy a compressor from First Time Heat and Air. I'm much happier that I lost it in a poker game than if I would have given it to them.
The next day (Wednesday) I get a call from All About Comfort.
"Hello Mr. Franklin, I'm calling to let you know that your compressor has been ordered. It will be here Friday morning and we will install it then."
I'm not happy but there's no use arguing with this dude. I figure I'll call American Home Shield as soon as I hang up with him and let them know that this is not acceptable.
"Now, Mr. Franklin, while I have you on the line I'd like to give you another option to consider. This is going to be your second compressor in five months, and your condenser likely has been damaged too, but your warranty isn't covering that right now. Now, you can keep calling us every five months and go through the hassle of calling your warranty company and paying $75 every time we have to come out and fix it. Or you can purchase a new compressor and condenser from us that will be guaranteed for five years. This would normally cost $5999 but I'm offering it to you for $2500."
Me: "This is almost as fun as being upsold by the other company that screwed me over last week. I'll pass." Hang up.
I call American Home Shield. After being on hold for the standard 20 minutes, I immediately ask to speak to a manager.
"Hmmm....(pause)....my supervisor is off today."
"I don't care whose supervisor it is, I want to talk to one right now."
"Hmm....(pause)....well....he got off at 4 today (I look at my watch, it's 3:05 p.m. central, 4:05 on the east coast where I presume they are located)....hmmm.....this one also got off at 4.....hmmm......she got off at 11 a.m......hmmm....this one was off the entire day. I'll send out a message to have the next available supervisor call you."
About 30 minutes later, my phone rings. But it's not American Home Shield, it's the Fockers at the car repair shop.
"Mr. Franklin, we've fixed your oil leak, but we want you to know that there are actually two separate leaks. Repairing the second leak would require removing your transmission, so the labor on that would run you about $1200. Would you like us to do that?"
Of course not. Goodbye.
Later, I pick my mom up at the airport and we move all our crap into her house for the night. Just what she was hoping for after a long day of air travel, I'm sure. After mom and the girls go to bed, I open the laptop. It won't fire up. Says it's not getting any power even though everything is plugged in. I seriously almost just started crying.
I have no idea what's up with the laptop, it's still broken. Maybe the old air filters got it.
I still haven't heard from American Home Shield, and this is 8 hours later. I decide to go to our 87 degree house and grab a couple items for the next day, and I call them back on the way.
"Can I get your account number?"
My favorite part of every call. It means I am not on hold any more. I give it to her.
"I'm not seeing an account under that number."
"Well, I've probably called in 20 times this month so I'm confident that this is it."
"Hmmm...I'm not seeing anything."
After five minutes, we realize that she had accidentally typed an extra digit onto the end of my actual number. Hallelujah, I do in fact have an account with one of the worst run companies in America. I tell her I need to speak to a manager. She says my request has been submitted but it sometimes takes up to 24 hours to receive a call back, so I just need to be a little more patient.
Deep breaths, deep breaths.
I grab the items in the house I came for and head back to the car. I attempt to open our front door and the door handle comes flying off entirely. I wish I was making that up. It seems unreal, like the Focker burning his in-laws house down and then marrying their daughter a week later. But it happened.
I did manage to get my door knob back on (at least for now). And I realize that compared to many, many people in the world, my problems are microscopic. My family is healthy and I can't even count all the ways God has blessed us.
But, Lord, I would really prefer to have air conditioning. Love you :)
