Joseph Lee Core, Jr. and Maddux Musser Franklin

Father's Day Weekend would seem like the perfect time to write about Maddux, our firstborn son who came into the world on Jan. 9.
But it's not the perfect time. It's the time I'm forcing myself to write something, because it's been five months and this is the hardest story I've ever written.

How do you write a story that mixes the greatest joy known to man with the strongest sorrow in the whole wide world? How do you write a story that in fact is two of the greatest joys and two of the strongest sorrows? And the hardest part -- Our greatest joy is a constant reminder of another family member's strongest sorrow. In fact, our greatest joy wouldn't be here without their strongest sorrow.

Back it up four years. We rented a condo in Vegas for the month of June 2010. It was an exciting adventure. Addie was 18 months old, she loved the pool and she loved life in general. Missy and I were excited at the news that she was pregnant. But two days before Father's Day, we found out that Missy had miscarried.
Over the next couple of years we tried and failed to get pregnant again, and Missy was convinced that she wouldn't be able to have any more children. So we got into foster care, and that's how we ended up with Myra.
That part was simple enough. Strongest Sorrow #1 followed by Greatest Joy #1.

The rest of the story just isn't fair.
Missy's sister Terri and her husband Joe were also having trouble getting pregnant. They had already adopted an awesome girl, Grace, but they wanted to expand their family with children of their own. Some tests revealed that the problem was with Terri's eggs.
Terri and Joe decided to ask Missy if she would be willing to donate her eggs to help them get pregnant. This wasn't a simple request -- it meant Missy would have to fly to Baltimore (where they lived) several times and then undergo a procedure to donate them, not to mention doing hormone treatments here in Oklahoma.
But it was obvious why they asked Missy. Despite not being blood relatives, Missy and Terri look a lot alike and have very similar personalities. I can say without hesitation that Terri is the most similar to Missy of anyone we know or are related to. And if you know Missy, you know she didn't hesitate to say yes.
We actually went through the whole process twice. The first time, when Missy flew out to Baltimore to undergo the procedure, a test the day before revealed that the timing had been just a little off, so they had to cancel the whole thing and start over.
It was a crushing blow to both Missy and Terri. Emotionally and financially, this couldn't happen over and over again. After a couple of months, they decided to give it one final shot.
The second time, everything came together wonderfully. The procedure resulted in Missy donating an unusually high number of good eggs, and a subsequent procedure resulted in Terri carrying a healthy baby boy.
Because of all the hormones Missy had taken, the chances of her getting pregnant went up drastically, and the day after we agreed to begin the adoption process with Myra, we found out Missy was pregnant too. Terri was about two months along, and the two were on the phone non-stop sharing their pregnancies with each other.
First, Terri found out they were having a boy. Then we found Missy was also having a boy. For a little while it looked like the cousins would get to live very close to each other. Terri and Joe visited and considered moving to the Dallas area before settling in Delaware instead. Regardless, the boys were going to be a part of each other's lives forever.
As the 2013 holiday season began, the sisters were on the phone even more as Terri's due date drew near and the doctors appointments became more frequent. Both babies and mommas looked perfectly healthy.
The day after Christmas is Addie's birthday. We always try to make that a special day for her and so we were having a small party with all of our family who was in Oklahoma City for Christmas. Missy and I were cleaning up the kitchen after the party when her phone rang. Terri had gone to the doctor in the morning and the baby's heart rate was fine. For some reason -- nobody knows why -- as the day progressed he wasn't fine. Terri had to go through labor knowing that her son was already gone.
Losing a child is the hardest thing in the world, and that pain was only intensified by the lengths and bounds Terri and Joe had gone to get this boy in the first place. It was also incredibly hard on Missy, who struggled with the sorrow but also with how to handle her relationship with Terri. Did she need to back off, knowing that she couldn't share her pregnancy news without reminding Terri of her tragedy? Or did Terri need her now more than ever?
Missy got permission from her doctor to fly to the east coast for the funeral services despite being almost eight months pregnant, and the services for Joseph Lee Core, Jr. were beautiful and heart-wrenching.
Barely 24 hours after she returned, her water broke. Maddux was a month early and between the holidays and this tragic event, we were totally unprepared. Missy's labor was long and hard, but after almost 24 hours he came out just fine at 8 lbs, 1 oz., 21 inches long. He had a few minor issues that resulted in us being in the hospital for five days, and that was a really hard time for us, especially Missy. Having just returned from grieving with her sister, she was emotionally and physically exhausted and experiencing the entire range of emotions. It was the best and purest joy to hold our first son, but it was worst kind of sorrow to think about the fact that Terri had been deprived of this very joy for no reason at all.
You question everything. You question God. You cry. You get mad.
We certainly haven't come up with any good answers, any sense of closure. Missy and Terri have done a great job of working through their individual emotional issues and maintaining a great relationship with each other, but that doesn't mean the road will ever end.
For Terri and Joe, one of the most important things is not letting Joseph be forgotten. I can say unequivocally that he will never be forgotten in the Franklin household. We thought the cousins would be two months apart, but it turns out that Maddux showed up less than two weeks after Joseph. We will never look at Maddux without seeing a small reflection of Joseph.

I don't have a pretty bow to put on the end of this thing. I'm not going to put one of those generic "cherish your kids" speeches in here and wrap it up.
Sometimes life sucks.
All I know is that I'm looking at Maddux at this very second, and I couldn't love him any more. So far, he has a pretty serious personality. Unlike Myra, who smiled every second of the day at his age, he likes to furrow his brows and give a menacing look. But he loves being held and being talked to, and he will crack a smile and a laugh when he gets in the mood.
Nothing is greater than the love of a parent for his or her child. That's how God looks at each and every one of us, and that's how the Core family looks at Joseph Lee Core, Jr.

We love you Joe, Terri, Grace and Joseph,

The Franklins