The Fast Food Blaaaaaaaggggghhh (it's supposed to be a throwing up sound)

Couldn't sleep the other night, so I was tinkering with blog ideas while I was lying there in bed.
I started thinking of some of my favorite stories from fast food restaurants.
Maybe it's because you just run into a different flock of people at a fast food place. Maybe it's because nobody really wants to be in there; more than that nobody wants to be seen in there. Maybe it's because there's no pride in the place so everyone treats it like a dump. For whatever reasons, some really funny stuff happens at fast food joints.
So the other day, when I couldn't sleep, I started jotting down some of my favorite fast food memories. A lot of it is just me and my friends being stupid; it doesn't really have anything to do with the establishments. Anyway, here they are.

Subway: I went to a Subway a few months ago wearing a humorous T-shirt. I was the only one in the store, and I walked right to the counter and started looking over the menu to see what I wanted. The lady behind the counter was probably a couple of years younger than I was. She said, "Your shirt is funny. Are you married?"
You can't even wait to find out if I want white, wheat or Italian Herbs and Cheese bread???? After I told her that I was married, she continued her flirting until I commented that my wife probably just wanted her cold cut trio, not the combo meal that included chips, a drink and marital infidelity.

Johnnie's Charcoal Broiler/4th Street Burgers: RIP 4th Street Burgers in Moore, which closed a long time ago, but it was awesome. It was one of our favorite lunchtime choices back in the Westmoore High School days. What 4th Street Burgers and Johnnie's have in common is that at both restaurants, you place your order, give them your name, and then they call it out over the PA.
Being bright high school boys, we figured out that since we ordered at the same time, our food would be ready at the same time, and they'd be announcing our names at the same time. It would be boring if they just announced, "Matt. Chad. Kevin." So we always came up with a different set of names to give them that would sound funny over a PA if said at the same time. Sometimes it was hard to keep a straight face and tell a 60-year-old woman that your name was Bert, but it's easier than being the guy after him who says his name is Ernie. I don't remember very many of the names we gave, but we usually got a decent laugh out of the crowd and a dirty look from the old lady behind the counter.

KFC/Church's Chicken: Along the same lines of high school immaturity, we once pulled into a Church's Chicken drive-thru and tried to act like we were having a tough time deciding whether to eat there or go down the road to the KFC. Looking back on it now, I'm surprised we didn't just get a 16-year-old who couldn't care less and told us to go on down the road. Luckily, however, we got an 80-year-old lady who was quite detailed in her comparisons of the two restaurants. We remained skeptical, accusing her of just saying those things because she worked there, but she even had a comeback for that.
"I worked for the Colonel for 15 years, and I've eaten a lot of chicken," she said. "Trust me, ours is better." How can you argue with that? We ordered a bunch of chicken, and even though we were being rude and immature, I think we made that woman's day by ultimately believing her and buying the chicken.

Chick-Fil-A: One day not too long ago, I was sleeping in but Missy and Addie wanted us to go to Chick-Fil-A for lunch as a family, so they woke me up after they got back from the gym. For some reason, we needed to leave real soon because of an appointment or something. So I threw on a crappy T-shirt, some shorts, and some flip flops and got in Missy's car.
When we got over there, we realized that I hadn't grabbed my wallet, and Missy didn't have any money on her. There were a few $1 bills on the floor and a decent amount of loose change in Missy's car, and when we counted all the change up we had something like $9.87. We figured we could find something to eat for that amount, and it would be better than driving home and getting money.
I told the cashier our predicament and tried to figure out the best things to order on our budget. Soon, the manager walked over and gave us all free drinks and vouchers for two free chicken sandwiches. I thought, "Wow, that's really nice."
It was very nice, but I soon realized that this guy probably thought we were homeless! After all, I'm looking quite ratty, with mismatched shorts, shirt and bedhead, and Missy's half-sweating and wearing gym clothes! Oh well, I wasn't going to turn down a free sandwich!

McDonald's: I've never really eaten at McDonald's all that often, but when I lived in Lawton before I got married, there was one at the nearest intersection to my apartment.
One night, I planned to go through the drive-thru on my dinner break to grab something to take home to eat, but when I pulled up the place was closed.
I thought it was quite odd, but I found out what happened a couple days later after talking one of the city's leaders at the gym. He said that while health inspectors were at the restaurant, one of the employees dropped a burger on the ground, picked it up and put it right on the grill!
This shouldn't be that shocking, but my friend told me that all of the employees knew the health inspector was there, he was wearing a badge and the employees had been told in advance that he would be there. You'd think that for one day they could get their act together, but I guess not! The place was shut down for a week or two and then reopened.

Hardee's: Fair warning -- this is pretty gross. When I was in junior high, we stopped at a Hardee's (now Carl's Jr.) on a field trip. One of my buddies bit into his burger and there was a worm in there! We dug the rest of the worm out of the burger, showed it to everyone (especially the girls) and our teacher made us all leave.


I have a few more stories but I guess this blog has been long enough. The other night, after I finished writing down the stories, I got in a really goofy mood and came up with a song. At the risk of exposing myself as an utterly immature idiot, here it is. (Warning: Explicit toilet humor and PG lyrics)

(To the tune of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game")
Take me out for some fast food
Take me out with the crowds
Buy me some Pepto I've got the craps
I don't know if I'll ever get back
Til I poop and puke all my guts out
Coming here was a shame
Cause it's One! Two! Three! Tums I'll need
Won't you pass the Rolaids!!!!!!