Commercial Airline Flying At Its Best

I made a quick trip to Houston this week, and the flight home provided an interesting experience.
I took Southwest Airlines, and I had a quick stopover in Dallas.
Everything was going smoothly until right before the first flight was to leave. The pilot came on and said we had to evacuate the plane, power it down, then restart it because the computers in the cockpit weren't working. For some reason, FAA regulations require clearing out the whole plane to do this.
So we did, and we were more than an hour late getting into Dallas. I was dreading what the next 12 hours would bring because I was supposed to be on the last flight to OKC. My flight was supposed to leave Dallas at 9:20, and we didn't land in Dallas until 10 p.m. I had already given up, but just to be sure I checked the departures list when I got off the plane. No Oklahoma City flights.
I found the nearest agent and asked what I was supposed to do. He referred me to a counter on the other side of the airport. I stopped and watched some of the Eagles game on the TV, then casually walked to the counter. All of a sudden they called me over the PA for the entire airport, "Matthew Franklin, please report to gate 9, your plane is departing."
I took off in a dead sprint, and one of the flight attendants who saw me yelled out, "I guess that's Matthew!" Hilarious.
Evidently they held the whole plane just for me and one other guy who was on my flight, but he had talked to a more competent agent than I did and was informed that they were holding the plane for us, so he didn't take 10 minutes to watch a football game.
I got about 150 angry stares when I boarded the plane. Since Southwest Airlines has no assigned seating, I looked for the first available seat and was somewhat shocked to find an aisle seat on the third row, next to a young girl.
When I sat down, the middle-aged woman in the window seat said, "Get ready. She likes to talk a lot."
I was so happy to be going home that night, I didn't care if I was sitting between two gay NFL offensive linemen who hadn't showered.
I quickly learned that this little girl didn't know the woman next to her, nor anyone on the plane for that matter. The woman in the window seat seemed pretty happy to have me there, and so did the little girl.
First, the girl offered me pretzels. I said no thanks. Then she pulled out a bag of about 12 packages of pretzels. "See, they gave me all these pretzels. Are you sure you don't want one?" No, thank you though.
The questions and comments came rapid-fire for the duration of the 45-minute flight. These are the exchanges I can remember, which probably account for about half of the total dialogue.
"I want to take a nap. Can I take a nap?" Um, sure.
"Can I lay my feet on you?" Sure.
"Can I lay them like this?" (One on my knees, one in my ribs.) Sure.
"Are you sure it's OK if I lay like this?" Sure. (She laid down for about 20 seconds).
"Can I have a piece of gum?" Sure.
"My mom doesn't like it when I smack the gum."
"Boy, you sure are a nice man." (I almost laughed out loud at that, since I had only said one word to her the whole time.)
"What is your name?" Matt. What's your name?
"Avery. My mom picked it out of a book for boy names. Or at least I think she did. It sounds like a boy name."
"What's your last name?" Franklin. (For some reason, Window Seat Woman then butted in with, "I think she wants to know your last name, not your middle name.")
"My last name is (I don't remember). My middle name is McKenzie (it wasn't McKenzie, but it was something like that.) I wish I could go by McKenzie instead of Avery."
Me: "Then go by it. It's your name, you can have people call you whatever you want." (Probably should have had some parental consent before saying that...)
"No, I like Avery. It's unique."
Me: "It's a very pretty name."
"Thank you. What is your wife's name?" Missy.
"What is your daughter's name?" Addison.
"How old is she?" 2.
"I'm 7."
"Do you have a dog? I have a dog, her name is Roxanne." Yes, we have a dog named Bailey.
"Do you have a cat? I don't have any cats." No cats.
"Do you have a (insert animal name here, and she probably asked about it)" No. No. No. No. No. No.
She then picked up my arm and starting slinging it around. I asked what she was doing and she said, "I don't know, just playing."
Then she saw my wedding ring and asked about it, said it was pretty. I said thank you.
"My parents got a divorce." She went on a 5-minute monologue about both of her parents, where they lived, what they did, how often she got to see each of them, etc. Evidently her mom put her on this plane alone, and her dad was supposed to pick her up at the airport. It was sad.
"Why were you in Texas? I was there with my mom."
"Where do you live? I live in Dallas."
"What is your job? My dad works on oil rigs." No time to answer these questions because she was on the next ones already.
"Can I text my mom?" No, they don't let you use cell phones on the plane.
"Can I use your phone to call her then?"
"Do you want a pretzel?" No thanks.
"What time is it?"
About this time I noticed that just one row behind me, there was a middle seat open between two strikingly attractive young women. The next 20 rows were totally full. I had to chuckle at the irony there, although at this stage in my life I'm glad I sat next to Avery instead of the pair of nines.
As the plane started to land, I helped Avery put her shoes on. As soon we hit the ground, her ziplock of 12 pretzel packages on the floor slid to the front of the plane. Avery instantly unbuckled her seat belt and lunged for them, but since the plane was rapidly slowing down she flew out of her seat. I grabbed her, but she still smacked her head against the seat in front of us.
Fortunately, that didn't seem to bother her. As soon as the plane stopped, she stood on her seat and announced that she was taller than I am.
As we walked off the plane, she saw her dad in the lobby and ran to him. "Daddy! Daddy! This is the man I talked to on the plane! He's really nice."
I smiled and said "Goodbye Avery."
My left ear is still sore, but I wish that sweet girl nothing but the best in life.