Another Great IHOP Experience

The last time I went to IHOP, it was such a ridiculous experience that I blogged about it.
http://luckylifeblog.blogspot.com/2010/12/my-last-possibly-forever-visit-to-ihop.html
If you looked at the comments on the aforementioned blog, my friend Chad suggested that future visits to IHOP be made only in the middle of the night.
Well, I took his advice. The result was yet another epic fail.
This time, I went a step further than just altering my appearance time. I didn't order anything but a glass of water.
It was a post-poker session IHOP visit with my friends Brian and Rychy at about 4:30 a.m. I wasn't hungry, I was just there to chill.
We waited the standard 5 minutes in a nearly-empty restaurant just to get someone to look at us and seat us. Then the waiter came by and asked what we wanted to drink. We all wanted water, but Rychy also wanted an orange juice.
The drinks actually came out in a timely manner. This was the beginning and the end of what IHOP did right during our visit. The drinks were timely but not entirely correct. The waiter brought two waters and an orange juice, and Rychy politely asked again for a water to go with his juice.
In the time between when our drinks came and when he took our orders, our waiter could have driven across town to his local drug dealer, conducted a seamless transaction, and returned to our table. I'm not saying that's what happened, just that it theoretically could have happened within that amount of time.
When he came back, he still didn't have Rychy's water, so Rychy asked for it again. Then the waiter took their orders. (I have to point out the irony of Rychy's order. He got the "Slim-N-Fit Egg Breakfast" but asked to substitute pancakes for the wheat toast. He should have just said, "I'll have the Slim-N-Fit Egg Breakfast, hold the Slim and the Fit.")
In the time between taking their orders and bringing their food, our waiter could have handed out the drugs he just bought to every employee in the restaurant, enjoyed them to the fullest, and made out with one of the waitresses. I'm not saying that's what happened, just that it theoretically could have happened within that amount of time.
Finally our waiter arrived with the food. He still does not have Rychy's water. Rychy asked yet again for a glass of ice water. The boys are now ready to eat, except for one problem -- we have no silverware on the table. Instead of waiting for this drooler of a waiter to get the silverware, Brian marches right up to the hostess station and grabs a couple of sets. Problem solved.
Now there is another problem. While waiting for silverware, Rychy realizes that his meal was supposed to come with a fruit bowl. This wasn't really too hard to notice, since his entire meal consisted of some eggs, the substituted pancakes, and a fruit bowl.
In the time between the waiter came brought the food and when he came back with Rychy's water, he could have been arrested on charges of possession and distribution of drugs, hired a good lawyer, gotten out of jail and come back to finish his shift. I'm not saying that's what happened, just that it theoretically could have happened within that amount of time.
When he came back with his half-baked -- I mean half-closed -- eyes and said, "How's everrrthang, gentulllmunn?" Rychy said, "I think my meal was supposed to come with a fruit bowl." Instead of giving any kind of fake thoughtful gesture, the waiter just said, "No. It doesn't."
Rychy said, "Well, could you check on it or something, because if I'm not mistaken it was supposed to come with a fruit bowl." The waiter said, "I don't think so, but I'll check on it."
In the time between when the waiter went to check on the fruit bowl status and when he returned, he could have entered and successfully completed a 12-week drug rehabilitation program. And then relapsed. I'm not saying that's what happened, just that it theoretically could have happened within that amount of time.
Then the waiter returned with a bowl of fruit. Instead of quickly retreating back to the smoke room like he had on every other visit, this time the waiter just kind of loomed over the table. Rychy said thanks, but this guy stood around the area without saying or doing anything. To an amateur like me, it seemed like he was waiting for Rychy to take a bite so he could go back and report to his co-workers that the sucker just took a bite of the special fruit bowl.
After Rychy ate the obviously-spat-upon fruit bowl, they paid the check and we left.
I'm not sure who's running these IHOPs, but they're a gold mine for bloggable material. Keep up the good work, IHOP.